You ever feel alone in a crowded room? I have. I’m feeling it right now.
It’s an almost constant feeling I have within the writing community. That’s not to say the writing community isn’t a fantastic place to be, it is. (Well, most of the time.) But it’s a very difficult road to navigate and sometimes I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it.
Because even knee deep in conversations with writers, I feel this distance between us. Like a glass wall. Like I’m the third person in a two player game, waiting for a turn that’s been promised but I never get.
I often feel overlooked or ignored, or that people are just barely glancing my way. I try so hard to interact, and give advice and offer support but it’s like my attempts are brushed to the side.
It’s my fault. My work isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough.
I feel silly even talking about this, because the writing community, it’s a two way street. You need to interact and communicate to receive interaction and communication. That’s obvious.
But despite my best attempts to interact, I’m often passed by. Three years in the writing community and I have yet to make a real friend. Someone who knows me and my life and my quirks. Instead, I have people who know my name.
My expectations have been dashed by reality, and I keep holding out hope that someday I will be able to make that connection. To truly feel a part of the writing community. But I just…
I’m tired. I’m disheartened. And I’m feeling guilty because it’s my fault. Because I’m not trying hard enough to engage and interact and be a friend.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.